Skinny ties

I scan the room and am comforted to see that nobody is looking smarter than I am today, as is always the case on team meeting day, and in fact almost every other day. But Brian does have those shoes on; I wrote a post-it regarding asking him about those didn’t I? Yes, I think I did. I notice that Ian, a promising Analyst, is, like me, wearing a skinny tie today. Only certain people can pull this look off, and Ian lacks the effortless style that I hold to do so. My tie is silk and from Christian Dior, his is clearly polyester and from Tierack, worst of all, it is light blue. The fact that he is an only an analyst prevents me from suggesting his tie as an agenda item to discuss at today’s meeting. Not all skinny ties work, in fact only skinny ties of a dark tone work, on certain people; not light blue and not on Ian. Skinny ties must be black or mid to dark blue. A white skinny tie, or white tie in any form, should be listed in the Rome Statute as a crime against humanity, in a fashion sense of course. In fact, wearing anything white in business dress other than a shirt is an offence of the same magnitude. White shoes? Unless it’s Halloween, head back to the general admission area at Randwick Races where you belong and drink your canned bourbon and coke. With white ties, no possible shirt and suit combination can ever mean this is a good idea for any rat racer who takes themselves remotely seriously. I make a note to mention this faux pas to Ian the next time I need his assistance on a potential investment. Ian is a character who I see some of myself in, and so I am sure he will appreciate this valuable feedback.

The meeting begins promptly at 11am as Brain launches into the agenda. As always, many of the attendees look bored and itching to leave. I’m listening today and the Blackberry stays in inside pocket of my Herringbone suit. After a few largely uninteresting updates on how my colleagues have fared in the last seven days, Brian reaches item 5, and turns to give me the floor. My suit is unbuttoned and I’m looking relaxed as I play with my favourite pen (I discovered that it matches my grey suits nicely, thanks Lauren). “Morning everyone” I say as I stand up. Nobody responds, which doesn’t surprise me as the pastries are taking a hammering. “As Brian alluded to earlier in the meeting, there have been some bumper developments and results recently.” I turn and nod at Brian, who is sitting straight and listening intently. This is a good sign. Body language in meetings tells you an awful lot about the people you are dealing with and their interest in the subject matter. Too often you can almost see the hamster on the wheel in people's heads taking some time out to have a cigarette and rub their feet. Brian’s hamster has just put a sweatband on his little head. I look at Jono next, it seems his hamster has gone out shopping, yet left the lights on to scare away burglars. I launch into my short but informative speech on how I personally have successfully negotiated the input of over a million dollars from private clients in the last seven days for our newest fund. Information like this must be short or you lose your audience and they’ll turn to muffins for salvation, and I have no intention of letting this happen today.