Team meetings

I decide that the lunch with Pete should go ahead as planned; telling that man-mountain you’re cancelling a free lunch and a chance for him to drink enough booze to fill an oil drum would be like telling Tony Abbott his topless photo shoot on the beach has been cancelled – borderline cruelty. I’ll just have to stay off the booze. I’m meeting Pete at 1pm, it’s now approaching 11am and our weekly team meeting is about to start in the conference room. My plans to scupper Jono seem somewhat futile now that I know Brian has made a firm decision most likely in my favour, but the team meeting will provide me with an invaluable opportunity to get today’s score even. Team meetings; the fun filled hour where you get a chance to remind your colleagues about how you’re much better at your job than they are at theirs. Even though this is always an enjoyable experience for me, it’s often a better use of my time to divert the attention away from myself whenever necessary and focus it on others so I can read emails on my Blackberry in peace, while enjoying the lovely selection of miniature pastries on offer.

Brain’s PA was having a crisis with her beloved miniature poodle at the end of last week so Sarah was tasked with distributing the agenda and readings for this week’s meeting. I asked that she put in an item where I have an opportunity to discuss what I personally have in the pipeline this week; one of my best weeks ever at Invest Co. Fortuitously, I know that Jono has lost a couple of clients in the last seven days, probably because he’s been too busy fantasying about the short-skirted hairdressers he continually meets in Bungalow 8.

I get in the room precisely a minute before it starts and grab my first mini blueberry muffin. Arriving a minute before commencement is essential as that way you don’t need to make unnecessary small talk with your colleagues about what they are doing for holiday this year, and other things you don’t care about. I accidentally arrived four minutes early once and almost got trapped in a conversation with Lauren about her plans for New Year. Thankfully the day before I had purchased my new Mont Blanc pen and so was able to tune out and think about how nice my signature would look writing with it while she rambled on about something to do with Hamilton Island.